About six months before my husband’s disclosure, he began to see a counselor. I remember not fully understanding or knowing why he was going, but realizing there was probably more to it than his generalized explanation, though it was scary I decided to trust and pray. I prayed that the “behind the scenes work” happening would be just what he needed, and that when and if I would enter the story, it would be at the right time.
When I found out about my husband’s sexual struggles and some of the behaviors that came with it, I was shaken to the core. I didn’t understand. How could someone I trusted with my whole heart betray me so deeply? My mind reeled with how he was able to walk in the door and face me amidst the secret he was carrying. I remember the pivotal moment deciding whether I would walk the road of healing with him or wondering if it was too much. He encouraged me to come with him to see Brian in hopes of better understanding the journey he had been walking. I agreed…Best Decision I’ve ever made.
Our journey with Brian was pivotal for our marriage. We walked in soon after coming face to face with the pain of betrayal. Could our marriage survive the destruction of pornography and addiction? A few words come to mind when reflecting on this transformational time: curiosity, grace, and hope. Brian modeled a curiosity for each of our individual stories that in turn showed us how to develop the kind of intimacy that involved asking each other good (often hard) questions. We also came to know the deeply challenging but transformative heart of showing grace when we realize the brokenness of ourselves and our partner. Coming into this, I had not intended on the humble journey of discovering my own dark places and the way they’d influenced my relationships, especially the one with my husband. As the interweaving of these things began to take place, the Lord replaced some of the anger and confusion I was carrying for my husband, with compassion and understanding.
Perhaps the most beautiful part of our journey was the unexpected, and overwhelming re-shaping of our faith. Through one of the deepest valleys our marriage has seen, there came a sense of renewed hope. We came to know the transforming power of unconditional love and acceptance from our Father. Even as we stood (and still stand) completely exposed in our brokenness and betrayal, we receive His embrace. Our best example of grace is just that. This gives us overwhelming hope. Our marriage was revived and will continue to grow because of this hope.