Make no doubt about it, healing and growth is tough. I can’t say I really wanted to do it in the beginning, since we had been through something similar before. Then the question arises, what does a person have to lose when they feel their marriage has hit that pivotal point?
Calls were made, and appointments were scheduled. When the first appointment came, and we met Brian, he was very helpful and honest from day one. He was never judgmental or one-sided. I can’t say I personally engaged much at first. Regardless, Brian was always very patient and kind.
As time went by, personal struggles from the past came up and I started to become aware of how much these issues were affecting our marriage and personal lives. For my entire life, I had hidden my secrets of childhood abuse deep within thinking that if I kept it secret it would someday magically go away, and joy would return into my life. My personal struggles included being sexually abused as a child, along with neglect, mental abuse, and physical abuse. It was so terrifying to name it! The shame, guilt, and hatred for myself had become more than I could deal with and I refused to acknowledge it to myself let alone to another person. In a marriage, self-contempt and undealt with traumas can be absolutely devastating. And that’s just my half, my spouse also has her past as well.
I feel Brian keyed in on several issues from our past and in our marriage very early on in our process. I had not said a word about the real issues of my past at this point in our journey. He always remained very courteous, never pushy or outspoken, but always direct and honest. At a certain point I couldn’t hold it in anymore physically or mentally. My past added to current life stressors and it just became too much to stomach. Brian recognized this and over time we worked individually. As I was able to name issues from the past and see them for what they were–the shame, guilt, and self-hate became manageable.
Brian is like a guide that’s full of knowledge, he goes at your pace and helps you along the path, always willing to go through each struggle with you. And, when you are tired of being on the path, he is also at your side until you’re ready to proceed when and if you choose to do so. I feel very blessed that we were teamed up with him as I really don’t think our lives would be as good as they are now without the time we have spent with Brian.
Not all mentors are alike, Brian is a very compassionate guide who will walk through this journey with you, at your pace, in your time.